OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
