how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
