I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
