Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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