Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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