Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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