So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
