Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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