i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
