Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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