There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
