Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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