Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
