If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
