A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
