really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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