i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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