I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
