Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
