Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
