Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
