We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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