White coat. Heels.
i just had sex bonerless
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
