So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
then he tried to convert me to islam
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
