Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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