if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
