Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
