Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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