She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
