It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
