OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
