I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
