You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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