How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My dick has a subreddit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
