Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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