I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
