The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
