lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
