You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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