His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
