Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
is that a dick in a sweater?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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