Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
