i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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