Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
