I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
