I cockslap morals
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
not ubering you a puppy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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