I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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