So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
