VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this boner is exhausting
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
