I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
