I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
People in love make me want to vomit
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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