Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
